For Brian

Trigger warning, discusses suicide and the impact of losing someone to suicide.

For anyone reading this, my partner, Brian took his own life in the early hours of the 23 August 2011. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please access the services on this page listed for Australia, or use a search term such as 'suicide helpline' for another country.

As well as this dedicated to Brian, I wish to dedicate this to everyone who has supported me since his suicide. Each gesture, now matter how small, makes a difference. My sincere gratitude to those especially who have welcomed me into their lives since Brian died and those who I've found such closeness with since.

Scared
Backed into a corner
You took the way
The only one you thought you had

I still find it hard to forgive you
I was there for you, right there in the house
But I understand
Yes; I understand

You shared with me
So many hidden vulnerabilities
You tired to tell me about the darkest
But you felt lost and trapped

The desolation you felt
I've since felt it too
Since you left me to find your corpse
I've been through the deepest of despair
How often I've wished you knew how hard I'd fall
I have wished you knew how much we all loved you
We'd have done anything we could for you

You were one of the most beautiful people
I'd ever shared such a closeness with
Could you ever see that? Did you ever feel that?
Did you ever see how many people loved you too?

The crevasse you left
It will never close
But as time has passed I've been working so hard
Building a bridge across

It began when I was able to share my vulnerability
It grew stronger when I was able to feel their love
There are time when the storms try to thrash it to pieces
There are times when I'm afraid it will break

Then the storm passes
And my trust in the strength of this bridge is regained
I will always feel this crevasse
Nothing will ever feel it
But I think i will be able to exist
Nay, I hope that I continue to find my self-assurance again

And now I can't feel that hope so strongly,
As I now face another crisis that has arisen to haunt me
I try to grasp onto the hope that others hold for me
That I will get better, that I will be able to find the safety of a rocky outcrop

I've missed this self-assuredness and belief in my own resilience
It went with you to the grave, and more recently it got lost in my own insanity
I need and want my self-assuredness and self-love to be revived
To be able to use it to help me gain the courage to traverse that bridge

Originally written on 23 November 2014.

Thank you for reading this. I urge anyone thinking about suicide to find someone to talk to, be that a friend, a family member, a GP, or one of the services listed here. 

Given that I did personally make an attempt on my own life, I may seem like a bit of a hypocrite, but looking back I now realise that when you're in so much pain this is the worst time to make such a final decision on your own. I didn't reach out because I didn't want to 'burden' anyone, even though I knew first hand how much pain the loss of someone to suicide (personally and professionally), I had reached a point where I was so detached from feeling empathy for anyone. All I could feel was my own desolation of pain that was so deep that I was mostly numb by the time I planned my suicide. Please talk to someone before it gets that bad.

I have been working on another post for a few years now about suicide from personal and professional perspectives, and hope to be in a place to post that sometime soon.

Take care, look after yourself and look out for those you love as best you can. Forgive yourself if you lose someone to suicide too.

Please note that comments are off for this post as I need to take care of my own needs first and foremost since the most recent crisis which had brought about extreme traumatic responses including very strong anxiety.

Mental health support services

I have compiled this list of where to go to get help for mental health,. Some services provide information and referral, rather than crisis support. I've created a separate list for those that specifically provide information and referral only. Those that provide crisis counselling and support are also likely to be able to provide information and referral relevant to their area of speciality.

While this list of service is derived from my professional experience, I do update the list from time to time. Last check-date: January 2017. 

The listing below includes places where you can find telephone and online counselling, databases for locating support services (including GPs and allied mental health professionals), and information for carers. For anyone not familiar with the Medicare funding for mental health services, I recommend you read this information on the Commonwealth Department of Health website.

Aside from listing the National services, I have also included those that I know of in Victoria, as this is where I am based.


NOTE: All links are set to open in a new page, and clicking on any of the links below should occur anonymously (rather than being stored by Google, please check this link for more information).

Emergency

Fire, ambulance, police

24 hours, 7 days a week

For those able to hear: 000

For those who need text-based: 106, for more information, please follow this link.

Telephone and online support/counselling

Most of these services also provide information on their websites relevant to their area of expertise, and where noted online counselling or information (some in real time) is available.

National

Kids Helpline

Counselling, support and information for those aged 5 - 25, and those who are supporting people who are in this age-group.

Operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Call: 1800 55 1800, email or start a web chat via the website.

Lifeline

Counselling, support and information.

Operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Call: 13 11 14

MensLine Australia

Provides support and information for men about healthy relationships.

Operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Call: 1300 789 978

Appointments for online chat and video chat are available via the website.

QLife 

For sex, gender and sexuality diverse clients.

Operates 3pm-midnight (local time, rather than based on any particular time zone), 7 days a week. 

Call: 1800 184 527 or start a web-based chat by visiting the website

Suicide Call Back Service

For people who are experiencing suicidal thoughts, concerned about someone else being suicidal, and people who have been bereaved by suicide. 

Operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Call: 1300 659 467

Online counselling is also available, following registration.

Griefline Australia

Counselling, support and information for people who have been bereaved.

Operates 12pm to 3am (based in Victoria, so Australian Eastern Standard Time), 7 days a week

Call: Melbourne Metro: (03) 9935 7444, or National call from a landline: 1300 854 745

Online counselling is also available via the website.

State-based (Victoria)

Anxiety Disorders Association Victoria

Operates 10am to 4pm, Monday to Friday

(03) 1300 269 438 or 03 9830 0533

Information and support available via the phone line and website (they have a fairly comprehensive practitioner database). This organisation also run peer support groups, please visit the website for details.

Gay and Lesbian Switchboard (Victoria)

Operates: 3pm to midnight, 7 days a week.

Call: Melbourne Metro: 03 9663 2939, or Regional Victoria and Tasmania: 1800 184 527

Information and referral only

National

beyondblue infoline

Information and resources available about depression and anxiety, and where to get help. 

Operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Call: 1300 224 636, email, or use online chat between 4pm and 10pm (AEST) via the website.

State based

Anxiety Recovery Centre Victoria

Operates: 10:30am-4pm, Wednesday to Friday

Call: (03) 9853 8089

This organisation also manages peer support groups, please visit the website for details.

Services and practitioner databases

National

beyondblue find a professional directory
The following page contains links to finding GPs, psychiatrists and allied health professionals.

Service Seeker
Users may search for a wide variety of services and groups within their State or Territory. A newer version is available, however please be aware that clicking on this link will result in the website asking for your location.
Hosted by Infoxchange.

State based

Gay and Lesbian Switchboard
A database of groups and services specifically for people who sex, gender and sexuality diverse. The database covers both Victoria and Tasmania.

Information and support for carers

A number of the services listed above provide information and support for carers. Below are a couple of other resources specifically designed for carers.

Carers Victoria

Provides information and support for people who are significant carers, including those who care for people with mental illness.

Contact the National advisory line 1800 242 636, 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday.

Please visit the Carers Australia website to find information about the Carers Associations located in other States and Territories.

Suicide: worried about someone?

Provides tips on how to help someone who might be having thoughts of suicide.



Please note that I am not able to provide direct support.
The listing of any service should not be read as an endorsement of the services or the information provided by these organisation.